Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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