I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
