Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
