i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
