is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
