oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
