i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The air was thick with penises
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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