You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
