Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
