My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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