They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
