You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
