because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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