I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
