Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
