I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
