So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
