did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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