Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
