I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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