her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
