I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
