i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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