; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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