My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
