Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
