So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
