Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
