i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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