Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
