I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
