On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
