nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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