How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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