I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
