did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
