Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
