I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
