I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
