she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
