Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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