I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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