I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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