...so i touched it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
