last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
