So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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