I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
