did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut my penus on the lid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
