every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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