Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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