kristin has been a bad kristin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
