If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
