I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
