Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
