Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
