I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
