Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
