do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
