i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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